What To Do When You Are The Opposite of Confident

Updated: May 30

The opposite of confident is hard to nail down. The Merriam-Webster dictionary lists 34 different antonyms for the word Confident, including meek, timid, bashful, mousy, indecisive, and insecure.



But I doubt you clicked on this article for an English lesson.


If you clicked on this article, you probably already know what the opposite of confident feels like, don’t you?


You know that feeling too well, and you’re ready to feel something different!


In this article, we’re going to cover:


What does "Confident" Mean

What makes people less confident?

Erasing the origin

Living with purpose makes you confident

An exercise to be more confident

Why you were never the opposite of confident

Confident qualities

How to encourage confident feelings

Living life confidently



What does Confident Mean

Confidence is a significant part of everyone’s life. It is one of the most admirable attributes that a person can possess. Our confidence shapes who we are as people. That’s why building confidence is always the first step toward transformational change.


There is something controversial about confidence— another side that people don’t usually say out loud.


The ironic truth is that most ‘confident’ behavior is little more than good acting to mask a complete and utter lack of confidence.


Most of the people you associate with having confidence are often the opposite of confident inside their heads.


Everyone experiences this phenomenon, but no one vocalizes it because no one wants to showcase their vulnerabilities. If that vulnerability turns out that you are the opposite of confident, then there might be professional consequences.



In an adversarial environment, people will try to wear you down if they know you’re not as confident as you seem. Hence, people instinctively hide their lack of confidence.


Even though we all probably agree that confidence is an essential skill, most people still admit not having it. In a society that values and rewards confidence, life is inherently more challenging for people who are the opposite of confident.


Fortunately, this is an easy problem to solve.


That’s because confidence is merely a factor of social expectations. When you accept that statement as true, your confidence will know no limits.


Failing to realize that confidence is little more than a feeling is why most people lack confidence in the first place, and it’s not unusual either.


It’s not something you should fret about since I will be guiding you through this journey. By the end of this article, you will be motivated to make a change in your life and live with confidence.


What makes people less confident?

Many factors contribute to feeling confident, and the most influential factor is always other people’s words. No one is born with a set of prescribed mental problems. Those problems originate from the people around you.


Confidence works in a similar way.



There might have been a time when someone put you down. Maybe you were a little ‘different’ than other people. So you were always treated differently, too. Perhaps you never had a chance to be confident because the people around you never gave you the opportunity.


Maybe you were a kid who looked different than other kids your age. Whatever the reason was that you became the opposite of confident, it is essential to know that that was never true.


What do I mean by that it wasn’t true? Let me explain by painting a picture in your head.

Imagine this. You are a teenager. You have friends who you think are beautiful. But when you think about yourself, you don’t see yourself that way.


Now, take this picture and ask yourself, who put that idea in your head? Was it someone you knew? Or someone you didn’t know?


Was it a stranger who made rude comments to you?


Or was it society’s crushing expectations to fit into a perfect mold?


For a thought to enter your mind, it has to originate somewhere. I want you to go back to the origin of those feelings — not for the sake of suffering, but to preclude you from feeling like the opposite of confident.


See a picture in your head of the first time someone made a snarky comment that negatively affected your confidence.



Now paint another picture.


This picture is something you wish for, but that hasn’t manifested yet.


Imagine yourself in a position where you have all the confidence in the world. You walk with an intimidating stride. People can’t help but turn their attention towards you wherever you walk down the street. Your powerful aura radiates throughout the physical space around you. Your confidence is so apparent that other people can’t help but notice it.


Now, replace the first image you created with this perfect image.


The original picture you painted was never the truth, and it never will be the truth. The truth is this: What you want to be and how you view yourself are entirely up to you.


Watch this new picture replace the original image.


See it settle into the deepest recesses of your mind and your soul.


Observe as the original picture slowly loses color and fades to gray before disappearing entirely.


Now it is completely gone; the truth of who you are is standing where the old image used to be.


You may not always see this truth in your daily life, but it is always there.



Erasing the Origin

For people who haven’t yet achieved everything they want to in life, their truth is the future.


For them, the truth stands for something they desperately want but they don’t yet have. That doesn’t make it any less of a truth if they don’t possess it yet. What matters is that one day they will obtain it.


The same is the case with you. You feel that you are the opposite of confident, and you want to make a change in the future. If that is what you truly want, then you must create your own truth by erasing the origin of these unhelpful thought patterns.


Erasing the origin also means erasing everyone else’s expectations of you.


There are times in life when people may put you down. But that is a reflection of their character, not yours. Just like creating your own truth, you create your own reflection too.


Letting go of the origin means reshaping your own perception from scratch. You, and you alone, get to decide what kind of meaning to assign to that perception. You already have an idea of what you want. You just need a little more refining.


Ask yourself questions. Make those questions more descriptive. What is important to remember is that while questioning and answering these questions, you need to be neutral.


You can’t be biased towards yourself or anyone else or even towards the situation itself.


See it as if you went to a therapist. See yourself as the therapist asking you these questions.



In that position, you have to talk about the truth. You can’t lie, or you can’t make up stories.


You have to stick to the truth, and you have to be like a therapist asking these questions to better yourself.


Start with asking yourself where did you first experience this feeling that you were the opposite of confident? Was it someone else’s words that defeated you? Or was it your insecurities that you developed on your own by watching other people being perfect in your eyes?


Answer from the third point of view. Don’t get in too deep into these questions.


You already know the answer.


You don’t get too personal to find it. You can find the answer more quickly if you try to see the situation from a third-party perspective.


Since it is a significant part of your life, there is no way you haven’t thought about these questions before now. So, you already know the answers.


There is no deep search required.



Living with purpose makes you confident.

Having a clear purpose in your life goes a long way in defining your wants and desires. You can also ask yourself questions like what is it that I truly want? Think about your present situation and determine what you want to change.


Are you completely satisfied with the way you live right now?


Were you more satisfied in the past?


Have you never reached that state of satisfaction and want to reach it soon?


Does your vision for the future include you attaining everything you want?


Is that vision more desirable than your present situation?


The answer to all these questions is present in your heart. You know the answers well. If you know the answers, then it’s time to take action toward achieving that outcome. But before we find solutions, we have to understand our beliefs first.


You know the answers, that’s true, but do you have your set of core beliefs? Your core beliefs are your true answers.


Before doing anything, you must believe in yourself. You must believe that you are capable and can attain this thing that you so desperately want. If you don’t have belief, there is no need for answers.



Your beliefs are the base of the answers you found in your heart.


It can be helpful to set up beliefs such as “I deserve to feel confident” and then stick to your beliefs and never let yourself waver in the moment.


An exercise to be more confident

The first time you felt this uncomfortable lack of confidence, where was it?


I want you to close your eyes and go back to that place.


Do you see the place? Are you feeling the emotions you felt back then? I want you to stand in that place again and feel something different. Maybe this place is your potential work environment. Maybe you were called in for an interview, and you messed it up because you didn’t have enough confidence.


Stand in that office once more.


Imagine yourself walking with a walk different than the one before. Your walk before was unsteady. Now it won’t be. Keep your eyes closed and go on to that place with a new kind of walk. Install that belief in yourself that you will walk in there and nail the interview.


Every question they ask, you will have an answer to it. You will be sure to answer as per their requirements, and they will have no choice but to hire you.


You are now sitting in that office once more but walking out a new person. You don’t have a shaky stride anymore. That is long gone. You are now confident, and you got the job.



You are not scared. You are not a coward. You were standing in that same place and exhibiting different energy than before. Feel this emotion in your heart. Hold on to it. Let the previous setting collapse and come back to yourself.


How did it feel imagining that?


Did it feel good knowing that you walked in there with confidence and came out with it too?


Did it feel good seeing their impressions so obviously impressed by you? You are not the opposite of confident. You were you. Who is now very much confident.


If you consider yourself the opposite of confident, there might be some benefits. For example, it gives you a chance to grow into a better version of yourself. Every person on this earth should strive to do better.


You are constantly undergoing growth and changes. Some of these changes are positive, and some are not. But despite it all, we are continually growing. To grow into a confident person and a better version of yourself, you first need to be the opposite of it.


On the other hand, having confidence is good for you. So maybe this feeling of not being confident enough will grow into something beneficial for you. When you finally have confidence, you will be able to handle things in your life better than before.


Maybe being the opposite of confidence is a blessing in disguise. Perhaps it is there to remind you of what you forgot. Perhaps your personal growth has become stunted, and this quality that you lack reminds you of that.



It is reminding you to focus more on yourself.


Your personal growth is the most important thing in the world and having confidence is a significant part of that.


Perhaps it is only there to push you to see what you really want — to be confident.


You were never the opposite of confident

Who said you weren’t confident?


Take some time to think about this. This question will change your entire view from being the opposite of confident to actually being confident.


The answer to this question is nobody.


Yes, that’s right. You read it perfectly.


No one told you that you aren’t confident. No one infused this idea in your head, and what may be baffling to you (but absolutely true) is that no one gets to decide that either.


No one has the ability or the capability to tell you who you are. If you aren’t confident, tell me, who really decides that?


Do confident people come “pre-loaded” with confidence? Are there some special steps they follow that are only available to them? Were they born with confidence?



Are they really that different from you?


Think about this question in your head. Make a picture of them. You might know many people in your life who are very confident. Perhaps you see them in your office or in daily life and feel jealous of them for having something you don’t have.


Life seems so easy for them. They go from one place to another with utmost confidence.


There seem to be no hurdles for them like the way they are for you — all because you are confident, and they are.


That’s why I want you to think about these people. Picture them in your head. What do they look like when they’re confident? Observe their actions. How do they carry themselves?


Does the picture you’re looking at right now look like something you want to embody? Does that person look like someone you want to be?


If you are thinking yes, what’s stopping you from being that?

Honestly, think about it.


The people you are thinking about right now didn’t do anything special. They are ordinary people like you and me. They have family and friends, and they live just like everyone else.

So what makes them so unique? Is it the fact that they are confident?


If that is what makes them unique, why can’t you be that?


After all, there is nothing special that they did to be confident. All these people did was change their thinking.



They found the truth — the truth of themselves. The truth that says that they were always confident.


No one but you can decide if you are confident or not.


That is what those people did. They decided to live with confidence.


No one but you decides whether or not you are confident — only you.


If you think you’re sick, then you are sick. If you believe that you are confident, you are confident. There is not a trick to this — just a simple truth.


All the qualities you want to adopt and all the people you want to be are already present inside you. There is nothing to unlock — nothing to obtain.


You are simply going back to who you always were; there is nothing to decide and nothing to incorporate.


Confident qualities

Close your eyes and think about the qualities of the people you were thinking about in the previous section.


What quality do you want the most?


Is it their confidence?


You can access it easily within yourself. While you’re closing your eyes, hold on to the confidence they are showing. Anchor it. Grab it. Now, slowly let it travel from your head to your heart. Remember that you are not taking their confidence; you are just discovering your own.



You already have your own supply. You don’t need anyone else’s.


When it starts to travel from your head to your heart, you will feel different. You will feel something unlocking in your chest. The confidence that they were showing was already in you. To know how to access it, you just needed some guidance.


Encouraging confident feelings

Sometimes you need help in life. That is nothing for which you should be ashamed.


To be coached effectively, you must allow yourself to be guided. But that is not to say that you can only access something if other people help you to do it or if you see it in someone else first.


Even if something is present in your subconscious mind, your conscious mind sometimes doesn’t know about it. It is present, yes, but your conscious mind is not aware.


Sometimes, emotions and feelings and even personal qualities and attributes remain locked for a long time unless acted upon by an outside force. That force can be an external factor in your life as well as an internal one.


That’s why a little guidance can go a long way.


Even while being guided towards this journey, don’t forget that it’s not other people that give you the confidence to do anything. External factors such as people or situations only help bring out your existing confidence. They don’t produce it in you.


Remember: If other people don’t induce confidence in you, then other people can’t decide whether you are confident or not. It is always you who decides.



Instead of focusing on things you can’t control, choose to focus your energy and attention on things that are within your ability to change. The most obvious place to start is always with yourself.


There are many situations in our life that we can’t change or control. We can only control how we choose to react to these situations.


For example, suppose someone puts you down, which diminishes your confidence. In that case, you can’t change that person, nor can you go back in time and erase that situation or stop it from happening. What you can do is control how you let it affect your life; and, ultimately, your confidence.


You should always be your own top priority. If someone’s words from the past are making you feel the opposite of confident, don’t let it have any power over you any longer. If that is the only thing standing between you and feeling confident, let it go.


Let it go by choosing to assign a different meaning to the event and not letting it affect your confidence.


Go back to that situation in your head. Indeed, you can’t change what happened, but you can take that incident and change it into something new. When you think about the events that made you feel the opposite of confident, picture yourself as someone who didn’t have any control over themselves.


When someone put you down, what was your reaction? Did you feel something shift in your heart? In your mind? Did that incident define whether or not you are confident in your present life?